Balance is a Lie, Find Your Rhythm Instead

We’ve all heard of “work-life balance,” as in the holy grail we’re supposed to chase, the achievement that will finally make us feel like we’re doing everything right. But what if the pursuit of balance is actually making things worse?
For women leaders, the pressure goes deeper than just managing a calendar. It’s the weight of invisible expectations; being present at every school event, maintaining a home, staying connected with friends and family, looking put-together, and somehow also excelling in a demanding career. All while making it look effortless.
The truth? It’s exhausting. And it’s built on a lie.

The Invisible Load
Women carry a disproportionate share of what researchers call the “mental load,” the remembering, planning, and coordinating that keeps households and relationships running. Doctor’s appointments, permission slips, grocery lists, birthday gifts, meal planning, social calendars. It’s the work that happens before the work gets done.
And then there’s the guilt of missing the school play because of a client meeting. Or checking your phone at dinner. The guilt of loving your job and wanting to be there, even when it means you can’t be everywhere else.
Here’s what makes it complicated: we’re proud of our work. We’ve fought hard to be in these rooms, to have these opportunities. We don’t want to apologize for ambition or pretend we’d rather be somewhere else. But we also don’t want to miss the moments that matter with the people we love.
So, we try to do it all. And then we measure our worth by how well we keep all the plates spinning.

When Balance Becomes Its Own Burden
There’s a certain period in many women’s careers where the pursuit of “balance” becomes its own exhausting job. We’re constantly calculating: Did I spend enough time here? Did I give enough attention there? Am I falling short as a leader? As a mother? As a partner? As a friend?
The math never adds up. Because balance implies a perfect equilibrium that doesn’t exist.
Some weeks, work demands more. Big projects, critical deadlines, team crises. Other weeks, family needs us to be fully present; a sick child, a struggling teenager, an aging parent, or the recognition that we’ve been absent too long. The seasons shift, sometimes without warning.
The question isn’t how to balance it all. It’s how to survive it, and maybe even build something sustainable from the survival.

Finding Rhythm in the Chaos
What if instead of balance, we aimed for rhythm? Not the daily perfection of equal distribution, but a seasonal understanding of what needs attention now and what can wait.
This means identifying your non-negotiables; not forever, but for this season, this month, this week. It means asking yourself hard questions:

• What will matter in one year? Five years?

• Am I avoiding something difficult at work that’s creating more stress?

• Are my relationships getting the quality of attention they need, even if the quantity isn’t what I’d hoped?

• What am I holding onto out of guilt rather than genuine priority?

Finding rhythm also means getting honest about what “having it all” really looks like.

The Leadership Lessons Hidden in the Struggle
Here’s something powerful that happens when women leaders stop pretending they have it all figured out: they become better leaders.
When you’re navigating the complexity of multiple competing demands, you develop skills that transform how you lead:

You learn to prioritize. Not everything is urgent, even when it feels that way. You get better at distinguishing between what’s truly important and what’s just noise.

You build empathy and psychological safety. When you’ve felt the guilt of leaving work early for a parent-teacher conference, you understand when your team members need flexibility. You create cultures where people can be whole humans, not just workers.

You model sustainable pace. If you’re constantly accessible, reactive, and sending emails at all hours,
you’re teaching your team that burnout is the standard. When you protect boundaries, you permit others to do the same.

You get comfortable with imperfection. The “push through at all costs” mentality doesn’t make you a strong leader. It makes you a cautionary tale. Real leadership means knowing when to delegate, when to step back, and when to let others struggle through solutions instead of swooping in to fix everything.

You learn to say no. Every yes to something is a no to something else. Women are socialized to accommodate, not to disappoint, and to make everyone else comfortable. Learning to say no without over-explaining or apologizing is an act of leadership.

The Guilt Doesn’t Go Away (And That’s Okay)
The guilt doesn’t fully disappear. You’ll still feel the pang when you miss the game or when you realize you haven’t called your best friend in weeks. You’ll still have moments where you question whether you’re doing enough, being enough.

But here’s what changes: you can make peace with showing up imperfectly. You can recognize that your children, your team, and your partner are all watching you work hard, pursue things that matter, and navigate complexity with intention. That’s not a bad lesson for them to learn.
They’re watching you prove that women don’t have to choose between ambition and connection.

Grace as Leadership
Giving yourself grace isn’t weakness. It’s strategic. It’s necessary. And it’s contagious.

When you tell yourself, “My effort was enough,” you make space for others to do the same. When you take a mental health day, you normalize that for your team. When you acknowledge that you’re figuring it out as you go, you create psychological safety for everyone around you.

Women leaders who practice grace don’t just survive; they build cultures where others can thrive. They create teams where people bring their whole selves to work. They model what sustainable success actually looks like.

The Advice That Matters
If there’s one thing women leaders need to hear, it’s this: You don’t need permission to protect your time, pursue what matters to you, or say no to what doesn’t serve you.

We spend so much energy trying to prove we deserve to take up space; at work, in leadership, even in our own priorities. We apologize for needing flexibility. We over-explain our decisions. We minimize our achievements while magnifying our shortcomings.

What if we stopped?
What if we recognized that our effort was enough?
That small act of grace might be what we need the most.

The Bottom Line
Balance is a myth. It’s a setup that keeps us feeling inadequate and exhausted. Rhythm is seasonal and sustainable.
You don’t have to do it all. You don’t have to do it perfectly. You just have to keep showing up, making choices aligned with what matters, and extending the same grace to yourself that you’d extend to those around you.

That’s not just how you survive as a woman leader. It’s how you become one worth following.